True Hollywood Story: Teething

So I know I've been all whiny lately, but our little family has been having a rough little time.  And, this is my blog, and I'll whine if I want to.

But seriously, Bailey's teething has been quite the surprise nightmare.  I'm not even kidding when I say sometimes I want my newborn back, because at least I knew what to do with her back then when she woke up screaming at night - feed her and put her back to sleep (which, we were VERY blessed, she did pretty well. )  And, I could take a nap the next day.

But with this, she wakes up screaming and in pain, and she's so aware now that she completely wakes herself up despite being exhausted, so then we just have a wide-awake, exhausted, and grumpy baby who is in seemingly excruciating pain as soon as the pain medicine wears off (strangely, she's usually fine during the day - the teething demons, like vampires and ear infections, only come out at night).  Since Hyland's teething tablets have been voluntarily recalled and the FDA has even issued an advisory on Baby Orajel, we are left with only baby tylenol and ibuprofen (does anyone know if the non-benzocaine gels work?  I've been meaning to pick one up since the orajel was taken away, but I keep forgetting). 

Anyway, just to record this time and scare the crap out of warn some new moms, here is our teething experience so far:

At around 5 months old, Bailey started teething.  Teething snatched away her former habit of 12+ hours of continual, uninterrupted sleep at night, which had usually ended between 7:30 and 8 a.m., a schedule which we had all gotten used to.

At first, we thought she may also be having a growth spurt or was just hungry, so we were feeding her and putting her back to bed.  But then we realized that just meant that she wouldn't eat her breakfast, so then she was all off-schedule and grouchy all day, and the pediatrician advised we should wait until it was light to feed her. 

So then, I started going in and comforting her and giving her ibruprofen (after she was 6 months old, of course).  She would fall asleep on my chest, and I'd just let her sleep in our bed til morning because she'd cry if I put her back in her bed and I'm a huge wuss.  

But now, the front top teeth are coming in, and she's not. having. it. 

Although we get random breaks here and there, here is a typical night in our cardboard box apartment these days:

After putting Bailey down to sleep between 7 and 7:30, fixing and eating our dinner, working out, and cleaning the kitchen, I sit down at about 9:00 p.m. and play on the internet and watch tv while having some wine.  Somehow, all of the sudden it's 10:45, and I hurry to bed, crossing my fingers that this will be the night Bailey decides she wants to sleep in until 8 a.m. again.  Scott sometimes comes with me, but usually stays up a bit later.

Bailey wakes up around 3-3:30 a.m., mumbling and crying out a little bit.  I wake up just enough to turn on the video monitor and see her settle herself within 2-3 minutes, then roll over and try to fall back asleep.

Then, she wakes screaming at 5 a.m. Because I have this pipe dream that she MAY put herself back to sleep (for the love of everything good, please let her settle herself back to sleep......ohhhhh, crap....fine, I'm getting up, I'm getting up......damn, now I have to pee, please dial it down a notch....) it takes me a few minutes to decide she's definitely *not* going to get herself back to sleep and I have to get up (yes, *I* have to get up.  I've tried asking Scott to take a shift once in awhile, and because he is a wonderful father/husband he will do it, but then my crazy controlling mom hormones kick in every single time and all I do is lay in bed and think about what *I* would be doing if *I* was holding her and WHAT is he doing?  Oh geez, why is she crying, make it stop make it stop make it stop.  Ugh....he must not be rocking her right (is that even possible?  I suppose it must be)........alright, screw sleeping, she needs her mama! So then I'm up AND I'm officially a huge B for making Scott get up and then critiquing him (for what? I'm not sure) and taking over anyway).

So anyway, by the time I make it in there, Bailey's pretty much fully awake but still exhausted, and after the ibruprofen kicks in, all she wants to do is smile and jump on my lap and play and pinch me (what is UP with the pinching?) and pull my hair (have you ever had your tiny little baby hairs pulled at 5:17 a.m.?  Because I have.  Repeatedly.  And somehow it is way, way worse than them being pulled at any other time of day.  Trust me.) 

Then, if by some miracle I am able to calm her down and get her to sleep on my chest, she inevitably wakes up as soon as we lay down in bed and Reilly decides that this is too many people in HER bed and gets up and shakes before jumping off the bed.  Obviously, it's not Reilly's fault that this act wakes Bailey up out of whatever light sleep state she was in, but I don't think very clearly at 5:17 a.m. and therefore I *may* occasionally use a VERY mean voice and shut Reilly out of Bailey's room when she tries to get away from me go sleep there after we took over her our bed.  (Of course, such episodes seem to completely traumatize our overly sensitive first child dog who thinks that she's human.  Accordingly, they lead me to massive guilt trips and cuddling/hugging/profusely apologizing sessions.  Repeatedly.  Ahh, dog-mommy guilt, a lesser known but fully real phenomenon.)

So then, we're back at square one in the rocking chair, and I'm trying to keep on my serious "this is sleep time" face, but Bailey doesn't play fair and starts touching my face, kissing me, talking, and smiling. Then, as soon as I give in and pay attention to her, she decides to cry and act like she wants to get out of my arms and I decide, well, then, she's going to play. 

We head to the den and I put her down on the blanket with toys.  She (of course) immediately starts crying and throws her head down on the floor because what she REALLY is, is exhausted.  So then I try to put her back in her crib to sleep, but as soon as I do that, she (of course) starts screaming like she's on fire and I can't take it anymore, so I start crying because I'm never going to sleep again and I have to go to work and I don't know what to do to make it better and dear Lord why can't she just SLEEP. 

Then I give in and decide I'll feed her because, screw the pediatricians, it is the only thing I KNOW will get her back to sleep without more crying.  So while finishing her bottle, she finally passes out and doesn't move a muscle when I place her back in her crib.  It then takes me at least 20 minutes, if not an hour, to get back to sleep.  So then I make Scott get up with her when she wakes up for good at around 8 a.m., even though he too was pretty much completely awake for the whole miserable teething/crying session because of my complete ineptitude and inability to control my frustration.  But since he's amazing, he makes her bottles, gets her dressed if I haven't already done it (surprisingly, he USUALLY doesn't pick out anything too hideous), and takes her to daycare, where they can deal with her grouchy off-schedule self.

I then head off to work, exhausted and with approximately 1/2 of my brain working....and somehow do it again the next day.

This parenting shit is hard, people.  It is wonderful and loving and beautiful and amazing.  But it is freaking HARD.

And, as beautiful as I know her teeth-filled smile better will be........I am going to miss this little gummy smile :(