Thursday, May 9, 2013

no, thank YOU!

So we have some very major changes coming up which I have not really shared outside of those I see regularly and know very well (umm well those people and instagram of course).  

Long story very short, after looking for a house for approximately a year and a half (with some off time in there), we have finally gotten what appears to be a secure contract on a house and closing is set for May 30.  Also, Bailey is getting a BABY BROTHER who is due June 9 (but will be kicked out no later than June 11).  We have been focusing quite a bit of energy on both of these things for a long time, and BOTH are just now actually about to happen.  So the focus and excitement about these changes has, of course, increased. 

Well, just in time for these major life changes, Bailey appears to have hit a bit of a rough patch.  Tantrums, extreme fussiness over very minor things, and a general unwillingness to cooperate/sassy attitude.  She just seems to be missing a bit of her usual sweet laid back nature lately (although, to be fair, there are still many moments where she still shows that nature, and by no means do I think any fundamental part of her sweet, loving, and joyful personality has changed).  Her teachers, who are around children of this age on a regular basis and have been for many years, don't think it is just her age (although I'm sure that's part of it) but that a good bit of it is stress.  

Which has, of course, triggered many unpleasant feelings for me, as this stress is almost certainly caused by the impending move and baby, which we keep talking about but for which Bailey has no frame of reference regarding time or impact on her.  Some examples of my recent emotions: extreme guilt (I've been focusing on all the wrong things, especially during the last few months when I should be focusing on Bailey!), frustration (she's always been so good at rolling!  where is my child who can handle anything with a smile?!), sadness (I miss all the laughing and fun times), and fear (what if this is not stress, but rather just my own super emotional side coming out in my child?  I was almost held back from kindergarten for crying too much and I remember quite vividly the extreme emotions and sadness I would feel over the most mundane things, such as learning we had bought the wrong crayons for my kindergarten class - true story).  

In the midst of my panic and guilt, a couple days ago, thanks to some very wise words of advice from my very smart, professional mommy sister, I decided I was going to stop talking so much about baby brother and the new house - not avoid the topics, but not focus on them.  I also went and picked Bailey up and took her to the playground to have some one on one time instead of going straight home and rushing into dinner/bed prep (also my sister's idea :)).  Then yesterday, I went to school for her sweet teacher's Mother's Day lunch for all the mommies, and tried to let her know exactly how excited I was to spend that special time with her on a work day.  I went to her school performance last night and raved about how well she did (she was seriously awesome - she has come such a long way from sitting in the teacher's lap picking her nose).

Well, on the way home from the church dinner after her performance last night, Bailey just randomly said "tank you mommy for coming to school to eat lunch and to see me sing and eating dinner with me."  It was so sweet, and genuine, and I appreciated it so much.  As I was driving, all I could do was pat her her leg and say "thank YOU baby, I have so much fun with you and I am so proud of you."

Well, THEN last night when we are singing songs to put her to sleep, Bailey said "mommy, tank you tank you tank you for all that you do" and gave me a big hug.   While I was trying to figure out if she had really just said what I thought she had said, she said it again.  And again.  And again.  Her sweet daddy tried to catch it on video but the flash caught her off guard and I don't think we got it, although I'm pretty sure he got a very cute video of her being very sweet anyway. 

This was seriously the best early Mother's day present I ever could have dreamed of.  I've checked with teachers and daddy, and no one seems to have put her up to it.  My sweet girl, even in the middle of all of her own stress and even when mommy has been focusing on all the wrong things and has had her own temper and whining issues, just wanted to tell me thank you for all that I do.  And I will never, ever, ever forget that.  

I could not love Bailey any more, no matter WHAT stage she is in or what things she may have done that I don't particularly like.  It is impossible to put into words how happy she makes me, even when there is so much other stuff going on. 

And I think we are all going to be just fine.