Gratuitous picture/video post

I've definitely slacked on posting pictures and videos, so here are some of our newest and best!

Cute new video:

And recent pictures....

Practicing my walk - cute and terrifying at the same time! (if you double click on it, you'll see it better.  I hate how blogger makes lots of pictures look blurry when they really aren't!)

Cuddling with JR (named by Scott - his full name is Coco Jr., as he is the "junior" of Scott's stuffed bear named Coco, whom he loved to snuggle when he was little)

Passed out in the car after errands on a busy Saturday!

Fun on the AW Willis bridge with dad!

And, here are a select few of our professional pics taken by AK Vogel - Best photographer ever!

TGIF!  Hope y'all have a great weekend!

(Yes, I know I look mom-ish.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  But, I'm working on it? Ugh.)

True Hollywood Story: Teething

So I know I've been all whiny lately, but our little family has been having a rough little time.  And, this is my blog, and I'll whine if I want to.

But seriously, Bailey's teething has been quite the surprise nightmare.  I'm not even kidding when I say sometimes I want my newborn back, because at least I knew what to do with her back then when she woke up screaming at night - feed her and put her back to sleep (which, we were VERY blessed, she did pretty well. )  And, I could take a nap the next day.

But with this, she wakes up screaming and in pain, and she's so aware now that she completely wakes herself up despite being exhausted, so then we just have a wide-awake, exhausted, and grumpy baby who is in seemingly excruciating pain as soon as the pain medicine wears off (strangely, she's usually fine during the day - the teething demons, like vampires and ear infections, only come out at night).  Since Hyland's teething tablets have been voluntarily recalled and the FDA has even issued an advisory on Baby Orajel, we are left with only baby tylenol and ibuprofen (does anyone know if the non-benzocaine gels work?  I've been meaning to pick one up since the orajel was taken away, but I keep forgetting). 

Anyway, just to record this time and scare the crap out of warn some new moms, here is our teething experience so far:

At around 5 months old, Bailey started teething.  Teething snatched away her former habit of 12+ hours of continual, uninterrupted sleep at night, which had usually ended between 7:30 and 8 a.m., a schedule which we had all gotten used to.

At first, we thought she may also be having a growth spurt or was just hungry, so we were feeding her and putting her back to bed.  But then we realized that just meant that she wouldn't eat her breakfast, so then she was all off-schedule and grouchy all day, and the pediatrician advised we should wait until it was light to feed her. 

So then, I started going in and comforting her and giving her ibruprofen (after she was 6 months old, of course).  She would fall asleep on my chest, and I'd just let her sleep in our bed til morning because she'd cry if I put her back in her bed and I'm a huge wuss.  

But now, the front top teeth are coming in, and she's not. having. it. 

Although we get random breaks here and there, here is a typical night in our cardboard box apartment these days:

After putting Bailey down to sleep between 7 and 7:30, fixing and eating our dinner, working out, and cleaning the kitchen, I sit down at about 9:00 p.m. and play on the internet and watch tv while having some wine.  Somehow, all of the sudden it's 10:45, and I hurry to bed, crossing my fingers that this will be the night Bailey decides she wants to sleep in until 8 a.m. again.  Scott sometimes comes with me, but usually stays up a bit later.

Bailey wakes up around 3-3:30 a.m., mumbling and crying out a little bit.  I wake up just enough to turn on the video monitor and see her settle herself within 2-3 minutes, then roll over and try to fall back asleep.

Then, she wakes screaming at 5 a.m. Because I have this pipe dream that she MAY put herself back to sleep (for the love of everything good, please let her settle herself back to sleep......ohhhhh, crap....fine, I'm getting up, I'm getting up......damn, now I have to pee, please dial it down a notch....) it takes me a few minutes to decide she's definitely *not* going to get herself back to sleep and I have to get up (yes, *I* have to get up.  I've tried asking Scott to take a shift once in awhile, and because he is a wonderful father/husband he will do it, but then my crazy controlling mom hormones kick in every single time and all I do is lay in bed and think about what *I* would be doing if *I* was holding her and WHAT is he doing?  Oh geez, why is she crying, make it stop make it stop make it stop.  Ugh....he must not be rocking her right (is that even possible?  I suppose it must be)........alright, screw sleeping, she needs her mama! So then I'm up AND I'm officially a huge B for making Scott get up and then critiquing him (for what? I'm not sure) and taking over anyway).

So anyway, by the time I make it in there, Bailey's pretty much fully awake but still exhausted, and after the ibruprofen kicks in, all she wants to do is smile and jump on my lap and play and pinch me (what is UP with the pinching?) and pull my hair (have you ever had your tiny little baby hairs pulled at 5:17 a.m.?  Because I have.  Repeatedly.  And somehow it is way, way worse than them being pulled at any other time of day.  Trust me.) 

Then, if by some miracle I am able to calm her down and get her to sleep on my chest, she inevitably wakes up as soon as we lay down in bed and Reilly decides that this is too many people in HER bed and gets up and shakes before jumping off the bed.  Obviously, it's not Reilly's fault that this act wakes Bailey up out of whatever light sleep state she was in, but I don't think very clearly at 5:17 a.m. and therefore I *may* occasionally use a VERY mean voice and shut Reilly out of Bailey's room when she tries to get away from me go sleep there after we took over her our bed.  (Of course, such episodes seem to completely traumatize our overly sensitive first child dog who thinks that she's human.  Accordingly, they lead me to massive guilt trips and cuddling/hugging/profusely apologizing sessions.  Repeatedly.  Ahh, dog-mommy guilt, a lesser known but fully real phenomenon.)

So then, we're back at square one in the rocking chair, and I'm trying to keep on my serious "this is sleep time" face, but Bailey doesn't play fair and starts touching my face, kissing me, talking, and smiling. Then, as soon as I give in and pay attention to her, she decides to cry and act like she wants to get out of my arms and I decide, well, then, she's going to play. 

We head to the den and I put her down on the blanket with toys.  She (of course) immediately starts crying and throws her head down on the floor because what she REALLY is, is exhausted.  So then I try to put her back in her crib to sleep, but as soon as I do that, she (of course) starts screaming like she's on fire and I can't take it anymore, so I start crying because I'm never going to sleep again and I have to go to work and I don't know what to do to make it better and dear Lord why can't she just SLEEP. 

Then I give in and decide I'll feed her because, screw the pediatricians, it is the only thing I KNOW will get her back to sleep without more crying.  So while finishing her bottle, she finally passes out and doesn't move a muscle when I place her back in her crib.  It then takes me at least 20 minutes, if not an hour, to get back to sleep.  So then I make Scott get up with her when she wakes up for good at around 8 a.m., even though he too was pretty much completely awake for the whole miserable teething/crying session because of my complete ineptitude and inability to control my frustration.  But since he's amazing, he makes her bottles, gets her dressed if I haven't already done it (surprisingly, he USUALLY doesn't pick out anything too hideous), and takes her to daycare, where they can deal with her grouchy off-schedule self.

I then head off to work, exhausted and with approximately 1/2 of my brain working....and somehow do it again the next day.

This parenting shit is hard, people.  It is wonderful and loving and beautiful and amazing.  But it is freaking HARD.

And, as beautiful as I know her teeth-filled smile better will be........I am going to miss this little gummy smile :(

Chicken Spinach Lasagna (totally phoning this one in)

I made this the other night, and it was fabulous (I forgot to take a picture, so I stole this from Jennie's blog - hope she doesn't mind!) (also, you should read her blog - she has some great creative ideas and I'm going to add her on the right whenever I get a minute):

Even Scott, who is not a huge fan of spinach (I mean, this boy had lived without spinach artichoke dip until he started dating me - now THAT is a tragedy!), loved it and had about six servings on Saturday night then had most of the leftovers last night for dinner. 

The only substitution I made was I used ginger instead of nutmeg, because I discovered I didn't have any nutmeg when it was too late and the internet told me I could.  Love google - seriously, how did people live without it? Also, I used lower-fat mayo (the olive oil kind), but full fat everything else (because that's all they had at our overpriced yet marvelously convenient neighborhood market), and according to my rough calculations, this dish still only has something like 350 calories per serving, and makes about 12 servings.  I will definitely use low fat sour cream next time, because I can never tell the difference, but even with the full fat kind, that's not bad at all!

I have lots to blog about this week - last week's painting class, our fun weekend, Carolina on my mind, some new teeth, etc., but work is looking insane for the next few weeks, so we'll see how far I get. 

Happy Monday all!

Annoyed!

Apparently Blogger is having issues, as my last 2 posts have magically disappeared, which is a little annoying.  It was a universal problem for awhile, but now I've seen where others have theirs back and mine are still in the hat with the rabbit, or wherever they went.  So, hopefully mine will be back soon?  I think we can all agree we won't be able to sleep tonight without those vitally important posts (what were they about again?  I've slept since then - although not well, because I really did jinx myself by talking about B sleeping through the night.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!)

Anyway - TGIF, hope everyone has a great bbq fest weekend!

Random Confessions.....

I call Reilly (our dog) Bailey and call Bailey Reilly all. the. time.

I just saw a blog post where a pregnant woman said she made Fruity Pebble treats (which I'm assuming are like Rice Krispy treats, but with Fruity Pebbles) and now that's all I can think about.

I think it's kind of crazy that Law Momma's marriage nosedived and she started getting a divorce RIGHT when I linked to her blog in my blog feed on the right.  I'm pretty sure the two weren't related, but the timing kind of freaked me out.  Her heartfelt posts have been fascinating, however, and sure have made me appreciate my husband!

Instead of my usual evening workout after B goes to bed and before I have a glass of wine (ok....maybe two) while I sit on the couch and watch tv with Scott, last night I had a couple glasses of wine at a paint class I went to with my friend Anna at 7:00 (which will get it's own blog post), and then, since I have no self control or sense of moderation I'm a creature of habit, had another glass while sitting on the couch watching tv after I got home.  Mistake!  Even though B slept through the night (two nights in a row!  I totally just jinxed that, didn't I?), now I'm totally dragging.

I told myself I wasn't going to get addicted to caffeine and fake diet sugar drinks again after pretty much completely giving them up during pregnancy.  Ummm....right.  Coffee in the morning, two diet cokes before noon (and, let's face it, probably 2 more in the afternoon) is now standard again, as is the sugar-free koolaid and/or crystal light in my fridge.  Fail.

I'm also now completely addicted to Rants from Mommyland, even though it's brutal honesty about motherhood is a pretty good form of birth control in and of itself, and may actually have dissuaded me from any idea of having more than 2 children.  Also, I've pretty much convinced myself that "Lydia" and I will be best friends forever one day after I somehow find her, convince her to split a bottle of wine (or T-Box, whatever) with me, I show off my sarcasm subtle wit and southern charm, and we bond over our shared tendencies to spill things on ourselves, use foul language, and do embarassing things.  Oops, that was stalker-ish, wasn't it? 

I got a new iphone (mine was freezing constantly and cracked terribly) and for some reason I keep getting sad because I can't take a picture of the iphone WITH the iphone to post on here, even though we have other cameras which would do the job just as well.  Plus, who needs to see a picture of an iphone?

Bailey's sleep issues because of teething have been so unimaginably awful that they made me get all nerdy and look up  Hyland's teething tablets, which are supposed to be magical and were "voluntarily recalled" last year (totally my luck), on the internet and I even signed up for Hyland's to send me an email when they go back on the market.  Which needs to have happened yesterday.

aaaaaaaaand, that's all I can think of today.....Is it Friday yet?

Daily devotion blog?

Well, I need some help from you, if you're reading this (anyone? someone? crickets? tumbleweed?).  I don't discuss religion on here, at least not so far.  And to be honest, I don't discuss religion much even when I'm NOT on here. 

Not because I don't believe, because I do.  Pretty much my whole life, I was involved in church/religious activities, and I've always kept my faith. However, I think I first lost the habit of church somewhere in the lazy and maybe a little bit hungover Sundays in college, and once you've lost it, it's hard to get it back.  I definitely didn't get it back while under in the stress of law school in a new city, and although Scott and I have bouts of church-going, we've had a hard time getting motivated to actually get involved in a church, as we keep thinking we're going to move to Knoxville sometime soon (which appears to have been put off indefinitely again - I'm not trying to vague-blog, but I'm not ready to talk about that whole thing, at least not publicly, yet).  And although I know you don't need a church to have faith, and I still definitely have faith and pray daily, I think I would benefit from some outside help.  

So anyway - where was I going with this, that explanatory tangent was not necessary nor planned, but that's how blogging goes, at least for me and my complete inability to filter - while I try continue to try to convince myself that we WILL start getting at least to a Sunday morning service at least once in awhile (we are pretty much those only Easter/Christmas service people right now, especially since Bailey's schedule is so difficult to predict that I sometimes have a hard time going to the bathroom, let alone anywhere on time), I was wondering if anyone knew about any daily devotional blogs that I could add to my blog list in the right column.  I'm terrible about picking up a devotion book, or the Bible, but if it's on my blog, I'm pretty sure I'll read it.  (fyi, in case you're wondering, I got this idea when one of the blogs on the right posted a great devotion today - check it out!)

I haven't seen any blogs like that, but I'm sure there should be some good ones out there.   I could probably google it, but I don't necessarily want to weed through a lot of bad ones to finally find a good one! 

Soooo....does anyone have any ideas? 

(Why do I feel all nervous, like I'm putting up my hand for a high 5 in front of the entire internet and I'm about to get "left hangin'," as we called it in middle school?  Probably because I am.)

Happy Mother's Day!

In what may be one of the biggest understatements ever, I have to say that these last few months have changed my perspective of motherhood.

Here's what I know now, as well as pictures from our Mother's Day at the bottom:

1.  I have a newfound appreciation for my own Mom: 

I know this is cliche, but I honestly don't think it's possible to know exactly how hard the job of "mom" is until you are one.  You also don't realize how much moms are willing to give up for their children (which is approximately, um, everything), or how much every mom actually does give up for her baby (which is, well, a whole lot).  

Since Bailey was born and I became a mom, my paranoid and completely unfounded fear of somehow raising a child with whom I cannot relate and/or have to bail out of jail repeatedly has grown exponentially.  Every decision seems laced with danger and the possibility of permanent, irreversible emotional damage - from breastfeeding to sleep training.

But my relationship with own mama gives me hope.  In my humble (and obviously unbiased) opinion, she has a pretty good track record, as I feel like I turned out ok, my sister is one of my very favorite people on the planet, and the three of us are extremely close.  Plus, my sister and I have mostly stayed out of jail (I'm not gonna lie, we've had some close calls).  We don't even have any tattoos (yes, that link deserves a repost). 

So, my mom deserves some serious appreciation and love (which I hopefully expressed to her yesterday on the phone).  In addition to being a great mom, she is also a wonderful "Mimi" to Bailey, Maddie, and Caroline, and they all love her energy and fun nature. And, I may or may not need some lessons from her one day.  Because if Bailey pulls my hair/earrings and/or gives me a good pinch on the nipple one more time, my sleep-deprived self may very well go all Mommie Dearest. And then I'll have to start putting money away for bail rather than college tuition, and nobody wants that.

2.  I realize that NO day is going to be about me for a long, long time: 

On Mother's Day, Bailey woke up a full hour early at 6 a.m. and let us know, under no uncertain terms, that she needed to be fed immediately.  Scott wasn't feeling good, so it was up to me.

So, I may or may not have spent the morning of my very first Mother's Day EVER very sleepy,  trying to convince Bailey to eat, pouring myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and trying to both entertain Bailey and work on her crawling skills (as instructed by daycare). All while simultaneously trying to put a dent in our ever-growing mound of laundry and to clean up the thick layer of dirt and dog hair covering the cardboard box apartment.  Lovely.

Also, probably because of a combination of her unusually early wake up call and the new teeth we can see pushing their way out, Bailey showed off a brand-new sasspot 'tude yesterday.  This 'tude exhibited itself through shockingly loud, repeated screeching whenever she wasn't getting 115% of both Scott's and my attention, crying after I let her take a sip out of my water glass but wouldn't let her fish out all the ice with her (dirty) hands, and repeatedly, and seemingly purposefully, hitting her food bowls and spoons to send (very colorful) food flying across the newly-clean room to entertain herself while being fed. 

Not that I ever thought Mother's Day would be all unicorns and rainbows, but I wouldn't have minded her saving the 'tude for a day or so.

3.  Babies grow up:

I know, I know, that seems like the most obvious statement in the world, but I'm not sure I could think that far ahead when I was pregnant, and I could barely think at all during the first few months of her life.  While I was pregnant, I knew that B would come out eventually, and I knew she'd be a newborn (scary scary newborns!), and I had some vague notion of soccer games/shopping/manicures down the road (I am still so excited about that!). 

But, for some reason, every time I see Bailey do something new and "grown up," it honestly surprises the hell out of me and seems like the biggest miracle on the planet.  I don't think I realized how temporary the baby phase really is, and how fast it goes. 

For instance, when I see B asserting her will and pushing my buttons, I get a small glimpse of some less than pleasant future fights carefully worded "discussions."   

But then, when I see her light up like a Christmas tree when Scott or I come in the room, and feel the love in her kisses and hugs, I know that, whatever happens, we're in this together, and I just have to work on making sure she has the tools to turn out even better than I ever thought was possible (when can I get those lessons, mom?). 

But truly, being a mom has been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.  Every day is an adventure, and I'm extremely lucky to have sweet Bailey as my introduction to this wonderful experience.  She truly makes my life better and more fun every day, and I can't put into words how much I love her!

So, I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Yesterday, we spent the afternoon at Shelby Farms' dog park to let Reilly get some exercise (Bailey's first trip!):

Hey Dad!

Sweet girl - and yes, I had Scott edit me out of this one - and based on how much I share on here, you can just imagine how bad it must have been!

Sweet Reilly dog in her happy place

Hanging with dad in the grass

Love these three!

On this day last year, Manicure Update, and Salsa!

[fyi - sorry if you read this before I got a chance to edit it - the post got deleted at about 10:30 at night, right before I was about to go to bed and after I may have had a glass of wine, and when I re-typed it as quickly as possible, I made some typos and left stuff out, and I was too tired to reread and edit it all before republishing.]

(OH. MY. GOSH.  - I had a full post written and published and it got deleted it somehow when I went in to edit one little word :( - so here it is again, the best I can remember......)

1.  On this day last year...........We found out we were having a girl!  It was a wonderful day, Tracy and Preston were in town, so we invited them to go with us and they got to see some of the ultrasound after we found out (it was just the two of us when we found out).  Afterwards, we went to buy our sweet girl a stuffed pink giraffe to celebrate the occasion, then had lunch with Scott's mom, Tracy, and Preston.  We were SO happy to find out what we were having and SO happy and to know that our sweet nieces had another girl to hang out with!  These beautiful girls are going to be trouble, and I secretly love it (at least now, before the trouble has begun).

2.  Manicure!  Tomorrow would have marked the two week anniversary of my gel (shellac?  which is right?) manicure.  I loved it, but it was time for it to GO.   I took a picture first:

(As you can see from this picture, my nails were still in decent shape, but a couple of them had chipped and they had grown out a good bit.  What you can't see is that the thick layer of polish was peeling up a tiny bit in spots, in a way that totally reminded me of being a little girl and using that super cheap nail polish that would peel off so easily that I would sit and paint, peel, and repeat for ours.  Anyone else remember that?)

So, then, I peeled, and I'm not gonna lie, it was a little bit fun!  Here's what it looked like immediately after (fyi, no bleeding occurred, although a few stubborn spots would not peel):

This is what they look like now, a few hours later and a little more recovered: 

(still no bleeding, just stubborn polish).

Long story short (at least for me):  I would DEFINITELY do this again. Especially for a vacation.  It lasted SO much longer than a normal manicure, which literally doesn't usually make it past me starting my car in the parking lot of the nail salon.  I will, however, be sure to have plenty of lotion on hand for recovery afterwards.

3. SALSA!  I love salsa.  And despite Scott's distaste for onions, spices, and anything Mexican that doesn't have a number in front of it, he does too.  At some point, I decided to make a black bean salsa.  I was either unable to find an internet recipe I wanted to make, or too lazy to do a search, so I decided to make my own recipe (mistake).  But then, after I picked up the can of black beans for the salsa, I realized that God had clearly recognized that he had not made me a chef and had therefore put a recipe for black bean salsa ON THE BACK OF THE CAN!  If that's not a sign, I don't know what is.

So, in honor of Cinco de Mayo and even though this is the least authentically Mexican salsa recipe ever, you should make this very easy staple salsa immediately, as it is delicious and healthy (as long as you don't mind stuff out of cans) and man-pleasing (or neighbor, or pregnant lady, whomever you need to please).  And yes, I went all disorganized Pioneer Woman for this food post - enjoy!

Cast of characters:



1 can black beans, drained a little but not rinsed, and preferably seasoned recipe (although I have used the non-seasoned, and it was fine.  Apparently, I have no bean palate.)

1 can diced basil/garlic/oregano tomatoes (yes, I realize these are typically Italian spices, just stay with me here)

1 can diced tomatoes (petite or otherwise, up to you)

1 can white shoepeg corn (drained)

Chopped Onion (I usually use 1/2 to 3/4 a small to medium onion - up to you!)

Chopped Jalapeno (to your taste - after all the "cans" used above and my hatred of the burn factor associated with raw jalapenos, I use the pickled Kroger brand jalapenos)

At least 8 oz of Italian dressing (Trust me on this one).

Dump everything canned in a large bowl:

Then, add your chopped onion and jalapeno:

And add your dressing - I forgot to take a pic (sorry)  but the dressing is key, so don't forget it. 

Then, and this is the MOST IMPORTANT PART:  do not taste the salsa for at least 3 hours, but preferably at least 24 (I'm serious - I don't joke about salsa, and yes, that's 24 full hours. I know, I know, it seems like an incredibly long time to wait for salsa, but it's totally worth it.  Promise. The flavor just keeps getting better.)

Then serve with tortilla chips (we usually use the Scoops) and eat your heart out!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, y'all!

SEVEN MONTHS! (I'm not yelling at you, I'm just amazed)

I cannot believe my beautiful, amazing, sweet little girl is seven months old!

Clearly, she's having a little bit of trouble believing it herself....

OK, so I'm how old?  And you want me to what?  

Smile?  I'm just not sure.....

Can't I just open my mouth and KIND OF smile just enough to show off my two awesome teeth?

No?  Ok, then I will smile my beautiful smile and even show off some impressive posture!

Then I will yell at you in joy from our favorite rocker/glider which you love and make me take pictures on just cause you like it so much!

At 7 months, Bailey: 

Is starting to GET. IT. - I mean, she even knows certain words, including "bite," which will make her open her mouth wide, and it is amazing to see! (Video proof of her "getting things" and just being super cute playing with her dad):

(Yes, I thought about trying to edit out the disgustingness that is our cluttered apartment in the background, but let's face it, I have no shame, so just go ahead and judge me and enjoy that.)

Has decided that she really, really likes her mom and dad people and will cry when people that she really, really likes leave the room without her "permission" (aka distraction).

Still just wants to roll anywhere she wants to go - daycare is working on crawling, but I'm still pretty sure she'd rather jump and stand (though she's done neither yet) than crawl, and I'm in no hurry!  

Loves sweet potatoes, squash, green beans, and carrots (all veggies - I hope this keeps up!). She is ok with just about everything else - the only things she noticeably doesn't like are prunes and peas (I'm still working on peas, but I'm actually ok with no prunes because they have some less-than-desirable side effects).

Has graduated to the Infant II class at daycare (as of Monday, and she skipped the baby in the bed ahead of her because she's clearly a GENIUS) - which kinda made me sad at first, but has actually turned out to be AWESOME because she usually takes at least an hour to two hour nap in the afternoon, which is a vast improvement over the three 15 to 20 minute naps she was taking in her Infant I class, and makes her such a happier baby in the evenings (as long as she sleeps until at least 7 a.m. or so....)

Is in a phase where she wakes up between 5-5:45 a.m. and will NOT go back to bed in her crib, even though she's clearly exhausted and will fall asleep almost immediately on my chest when I pick her up.  We tried to cry it out with checks, but it was terrible and I can't do it.  So, from when she first wakes up until when she REALLY wakes up, she sleeps on my chest.  In our bed.  For the foreseeable future.  And I love every minute of it.  Don't tell the pediatricians. 

LOVES LOVES LOVES Reilly.  I mean, she visibly gets excited and jumps up and down when she sees Reilly, and wants to grab her fur and hug her neck. The feeling is completely mutual.  Reilly has to be held back from constantly kissing Bailey when Bailey wants to play with her, and they are about the cutest pair I've ever seen. 

Has said a prompted and convincing "dada" on at least two occasions (early in the month) and got out a somewhat convincing "mama" twice last Sunday in the grocery store.  She's very rarely in the mood to mock what we say, but we love it when she does!

Has finally (knock on wood) conquered her constant congestion.  (MOM FAIL ALERT - I'm pretty sure (now) that she had some kind of sinus infection, but I kept thinking it was constant daycare illness, as we would have good days here and there, and then miserable days, and then good days, and, well, I just didn't know.)  Sorry, B. :(.

Still loves the exersaucer and jumperoo, but would probably rather sit on a blanket and play with toys until Reilly knocks her over.

Still loves to give kisses and hugs, and we may love it even more than she does.  Best. Feeling. Ever.

I could go on and on, but honestly, I still find myself looking at her and wondering how in the world we got so lucky all the time.  She definitely has a sweet heart, although she's not above asserting her will if she wants to do something different than what we're having her do (love that - wonder where she gets it?).  She makes me smile and laugh and sometimes want to pull my hair out every day, and I just can't get enough of her (although I am reaching that kind of freaking out point which makes me wonder where in the world did my baby go and why is she wearing SHOES (which are now *required* by daycare)). 

I just LOVE her sooooo much and want to squeeze her and keep her as my sweet baby forever!  

We love you, Bailey, more than you will EVER know!

The Baby Weight Chronicles - Part II: I'm ginormous :(

(Part I is here - a summary:  I wasn't a huge fan of being pregnant, but I was and will always be a huge fan of having an excuse to eat whatever I wanted.  So I did and gained 52 pounds. The. End.)

After having Bailey, I convinced myself I looked pretty good.  In fact, as I was no longer carrying an 8 lb, 13 oz baby in my belly, I felt downright skinny. They should bottle such skinny-light feelings.  I still remember babbling to my mother in law about how skinny I felt while I was still in the hospital and on some rockin' painkillers.

Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last too long. 

I'll never forget the first time I weighed myself after Bailey was born.  It was November 1st, so Bailey was a month old, and we'd finally gotten an offer on our house which, after a good bit of back and forth, we'd accepted. I was free from the strings of a "for sale, someone can call at any minute, keep it spotless" house (still not sure how I managed to pull that off with a newborn, as now I can't even keep our apartment, which is half the size, acceptably clean with a 7 month old).  So - I finally asked Scott to bring down the scale that I'd shuffled away to the attic when the house was on the market. You know, to avoid it's evil, demon eyes declutter.  

Well, this is a picture from about the same date I finally stepped on the scale for the first time:

(Here is the fat girl who formerly lived in my head and has now emerged, in all her glory.  Ugh, this is worse than sharing the pregnancy pictures.  Apparently I am incapable of not sharing too much with you people.)

As you can probably guess from the picture above, it was (still) bad.

To be specific, I still weighed 27 pounds more than my prenatal weight. (honestly, did you expect me to reveal an actual number?  Because I can drink A LOT of wine, but not enough to make me reveal my weight, even a past weight, on the internet.  Not now, not ever.)

But, approximately 25 pounds had seemingly magically disappeared with Bailey's birth and the first month of her life despite the insane amount of Halloween candy I had consumed almost guilt-free (you need extra calories to make milk, obvs).  I could *almost* squeeze my booty into a couple pairs of pre-pregnancy jeans.  So, I wasn't completely discouraged.

I started to get motivated.  I was still pumping my milk for Bailey, and desperately trying to increase my supply, so I knew I couldn't get too strict with my diet.  But I started using the LoseIt app on my iPhone to keep up with my calories.  I started trying to exercise on the elliptical (we have one in our house) every day for an hour.

Initially, the weight came off pretty well.  I was down about 4 pounds by the time Thanksgiving came along. But then, I ate Thanksgiving dinner, let my milk dry up, and the Christmas season began.  I started working 3 days a week in December, and our office had a celebration called the "10 days of Christmas" during which people in the office took turns bringing in dessert and/or snack foods every day for the 10 days before the Christmas break.  I would end up snacking all day long while joking with my co-workers about how our celebration should be called the "10 pounds of Christmas."  I didn't realize at the time how right I was.  As much as I thought I was still keeping track of my calories, clearly I was not, as all 4 of the pounds which had come off before Thanksgiving were back by New Years.

I was still stalled out in January.  Then, at a doctor's appointment on February 2nd, I learned that I was still the exact same weight that I had been at my 6 week checkup after Bailey's birth.   After really wishing I still had some of those rocking painkillers ugly crying to my mom and sister during my whole drive back to the office, I got more serious.  I finally re-accepted the fact that I just flat out don't have the metabolism most people have, and got back to a similar plan to that which I had been on prior to being pregnant.  I exercised a minimum of an hour and 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week, and kept my calorie intake to about what Weight Watchers recommends.

Despite my continuing efforts, as of now, only 11 more pounds have come off.  I still need to lose 16 pounds to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'd rather lose 20 and get back to my preferred weight.  It's a struggle, and it seems that all weight loss has stalled (again) in the last month or so.  I have moments when I feel confident that I'm going to lose the weight, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that the fact that I can't fit into about 90% of my clothes can be overwhelming and depressing.  I don't feel good about myself, and it simultaneously depresses and amazes me to see that it seems like all the recently pregnant women I know are back at their pre-pregnancy weights, if not lower.

It's a fight, and I'm fighting every day.  But I think we all know how this story will probably end......as soon I step on that scale and find out that I've finally reached my goal weight, I'll be pregnant again within a month.  And the whole cycle will begin again.  That's just how my luck works.

USA! USA! USA!

Thanks to the continued efforts of our amazing troops, Osama bin Laden is dead.

This is an incredible and historic victory for this country, and I am so incredibly glad that the 10 year anniversary of the terrible day of September 11, 2001, will not pass with this chapter in our history still open.

We owe so much to our troops for this victory and for their continuing sacrifices which allow this country to remain the best in this world and for all of us to live our lives.

So, thank you to our servicemen and women.  And to their familes, who also make extraordinary sacrifices.

And special appreciation to one specific, incredible Marine who will be serving in Afghanistan starting this August.   (Bill, I firmly believe that if you had been deployed earlier, you would have taken that SOB out yourself. )

Sleep well, America - bin Laden is DEAD!

Right now

After an office dinner and after-dinner drinks, I'm trying to have my last glass of wine on the couch in peace to decompress from thinking about all the many balls in our lives that are up in the air, as I've already conned Scott into asked Scott to take over Bailey's morning feeding.  

Bailey is laying in her crib and semi-fussing/crying as she expresses, in her only way of doing so, the fact that while she enjoys hanging out at Bubba and Deborah's house, she really doesn't appreciate us trying to bring her back home and put her straight to bed at 11-ish at night without playing first.  I have to admire the fact that the girl has her standards.  (As I write this post, her fussing/crying seems to be increasing. Awesome.)

Right now, I'm wavering between the "pick that sweet baby up and cuddle her" urge and the "she needs to sleep, just let her fuss until she sleeps" urge.  So, in a way that is probably totally confusing to her, I'm going in to pick her up, cuddle, rock, and calm her down about every 5 minutes.  Then I put her back into her crib and the whole guilt-and-confusion-inducing cycle starts all over again.

Scott and Reilly are watching tv, cuddling, and sleeping together. 

So much for relaxing with a glass of wine.  Or sleeping.  Sleeping is soooo 2010.

And, that's our new parent Friday night.  Try not to be overwhelmed by your jealousy.  

Oh hail no.

Sorry to steal that title from some variation of about 37 of my facebook friends' statuses, but I couldn't resist. 

But honestly and seriously, I am thinking about and praying for everyone who was caught up in the terrible storms yesterday and last night.  I have never seen hail the size that of that which fell in my own hometown and soon-to-be home (knock on wood!), Knoxville, or really even believed that hail that big existed in real life.  Here are just a few of the pictures I've seen (I totally stole these off facebook - that's allowed, right?  I sure hope so!):

It seems like just about everyone I know in East TN has damage.  But like my sweet friend Liz reminded me last night, in Knoxville it seems to be mostly just material damage which, even though I know it's miserable to experience, in the long run, will not have lasting effects.  At least, I hope that's the case for everyone.

Unfortunately, in Alabama, it is not just material damage.  Their state is badly damaged and so many people have lost loved ones and homes and everything else, it absolutely breaks my heart. Those folks need a lot of prayers.    They've got mine.  Please give them yours too.

Taken from drudgereport.com - I think this is Tuscaloosa?:

Before:

After:

Y'all  pray for these people, hug your families,and thank God for your blessings today - I know I will. 

(sidenote to take a little bit of the seriousness out of this post - my dad (who lives in Knoxville) said his truck looks like was beaten with a ball peen hammer.  And even though I love that truck and hate that it was damaged, that made me giggle (he said ball AND peen!).  Also, sorry for my rant last night, which seems just plain silly today, especially in light of everything addressed above.  Even though I've always been an oversharer in real life, I'm not as used to sharing so much on the internet.  In the words of Rodney Carrington, maybe I'm just sharing too much with you people.  I'm going to keep going, but maybe be a little more selective about what I share and stop bombarding all my facebook friends with the blog link all the time (but I'll still do it SOME of the time, I just can't resist).  I do promise to keep being honest about my journey as a first time mom because I think it's important and worth keeping record of, even if I'm the only one that reads it at least until one day down the road when I force Bailey to read it.  But really, I have gotten some great feedback about this blog and even if it just amuses me and a few other people, that makes it worth it.  Thanks.)

Uncertainty

I'm not sure what I want to do with this blog.  I like writing it, as I like writing in general, and I've always wanted to see if I could do it in non-legal way that wasn't completely terrible.  It is also, for lack of a better term, a type of "journal" about this amazing stage in my life that I will actually keep up. 

But sometimes it feels very a little vain and attention whore-ish, as well as oversharing-ish and maybe even know-it-all-ish (even though I don't know it all, and sometimes I don't think I know anything at all.)  And, let's face it, it totally is vain and attention whore-ish, as the only reason I will actually keep it up whereas I would never keep up with a normal journal is because I want people to read it and I want people to like it, and sometimes I'm really proud of my posts.  

So, I don't know where I'm going.  I've made this blog very public and repeatedly (and probably obnoxiously) linked to it from facebook.  But I share some very private things, and while I try to shut up the voices in my head who really, really worry about what other people think, they take over sometimes and I get all fidgety and mortified that I have shared what I've shared and I want to shut it down or delete it or make people sign in to read it. 

I'm not fishing for any feedback, I just wanted to be honest and say that that's where I am today.  Tomorrow I'll probably be all, screw it, who cares what they think, I like doing it so I'm going on.  And then I'll lay awake at night freaking out about the fact that I shared those pictures of my pregnant belly.   

I don't want to go all Sybil on you, but I'm really not sure which voice is going to win.

5 Things I Wish I'd Known: The Newborn Stage

Well, I think it's time for a little bit of honesty about the newborn stage, which was, by far, the most difficult thing I've ever experienced.  All pregnant women are bombarded by various generally true, but also really vague, warnings, such as how you should "sleep now, as you'll never get to sleep when the baby comes" (I'm not a bear, and I can't hibernate, and I have to go to work because they sure as hell aren't going to pay me not to, so what do you want me to do?) and how you should enjoy date nights now because you won't have any more for awhile (YOU try to enjoy a date night when you weigh fifty pounds more than usual, have to squeeze into the booth, can't have a glass of wine, and really just want to be on the couch with a bucket of chocolate icing and/or sleeping) (I am totally guilty of telling pregnant ladies both of these, by the way).

So, here are some things I wish I'd known before the newborn stage.  I'm definitely NOT a parenting expert, and I fully recognize that no two moms experience the same thing, and that there's absolutely no way I can cover all the important things I experienced, but here are a few of the big things that I think deserve to be documented. Including some things which probably sound a little negative, but which I think are important to remember, as I know I will forget all this when round two comes around and I revert back to being a walking pregnant zombie who only sees puppies and rainbows in the future.  

1. You won't "know" your baby for awhile:   During pregnancy, I convinced myself that I knew my baby, or that I would immediately know everything about my baby.  But when Scott laid Bailey on my chest for the first time, I was intensely aware that she was a separate individual from me - a fact which had not been true until minutes beforehand.  I knew I loved her, and I was in complete awe of her, but I also knew I didn't KNOW her.  

This lack of knowledge continued for awhile.  Newborns don't smile (at least not in reaction to anything).  They don't hug.  Nor do they give any sign that they think of you as anything other than a milk machine.  The only way they communicate is crying when you do something wrong or don't anticipate their needs before they have them.  Or when you just change their diaper and/or clothing.  The baby's inability to provide any positive interaction or reaction for the first few weeks of life results in a very one-sided relationship. Despite the wonderful snuggly moments that also occur during this time, I definitely struggled with this one-sidedness a little bit.

[note: the interaction gets better every single day.  Around 6 to 8 weeks, you'll start to see some truly sincere smiles that will make your heart melt and make you finally realize that you very well may be doing something right.  While I won't say it's before you know it - because I still distinctly remember those first seemingly unending, blurry, sleep-deprived weeks - I will say that very soon, you will have a babbling, smiling, mess of a baby who will show you just how much she loves you by jumping up and down and giving a joyful cry when you walk into the room, as she just wants to hug on you and give you slobbery open-mouthed kisses that will get your hair all sticky and mess up your work outfits.  And then you'll KNOW you're doing something right and start fighting the urge to have another baby.]

2.  Even though you don't know your baby, she or he will be the most beautiful baby you've ever seen:  I could - and often would - literally stare at Bailey almost all day, overcome with how beautiful she was.  I would take picture after picture with my iPhone, digital camera, and any other recording device I could find, just trying to capture the beauty I saw before me.  We literally have hundreds of photos and many, many of videos - even of her doing nothing, or just waking up - because we just couldn't get enough of her (now that I think about it, I'm not sure this stage ever ended for me....she's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen).

3.  Breastfeeding can be really, really HARD:  I know we've already covered this - and I know it's not that hard for everyone, so I don't want to beat a dead horse.  But just in case, do yourself a favor and take a class.  Talk to people who have been successful and actually LISTEN (I had a hard time with that). Also, please realize that even if you don't nurse, feeding a baby is work, and it's work that the mom is going to do 90% of the time, no matter how supportive your husband is.

But also, cut yourself some slack.  If you have a hard time, or even if you just don't like it - please realize that formula is there for a reason.  And your baby will only be happy and healthy when YOU are happy and healthy.  If you still don't believe me, read this (oops - just fixed the link to go to the first page of the article instead of the third - sorry if that was confusing!).

3.  The worst sound in the whole world is hearing your baby cry:  I'm honestly not sure anything could ever have prepared me for the panic and extraordinary level of stress that comes with hearing your baby cry and not knowing what to do about it, or not being able to do something about it immediately, or even the constant anxiety you feel when your baby's not crying, because you know that he or she could cry AT ANY MOMENT.  Scott and I were already sleep-deprived and stressed, but when Bailey started crying we I would get all twitchy and panicked and we'd usually end up snapping at each other or fighting over what to do.  All that mattered was getting her to Stop. Crying. 

This is somewhat embarassing to admit, but one night we ended up in the ER because Bailey had screamed (not fussed, not cried.  SCREAMED!) for literally 3 hours almost non stop (just in case you think we were totally overreacting, we only made the trip after talking to our pediatrician, who heard Bailey's screaming over the phone and recommended that we go) (another sidenote about this visit - Scott was right, they didn't find anything wrong, and it happened while I was still nursing, about 3 days before we learned Bailey was not gaining even nearly enough weight.  So, with the benefit of hindsight, I'm pretty sure this screaming episode was caused solely from the fact that she was so hungry - I did try to nurse her, but she wouldn't calm down enough to do it, and apparently it wouldn't have helped anyway.  Talk about mommy guilt - that was literally the worst night of my life, as I very nearly injured some nurses for making my sweet less-than-2-week-old cry (even harder than she had been) by putting her IV and catheter in.  Uhhh.)

4.  You have to give up some control:  As a mom, you soon realize that, no matter how wonderful your husband and family are, you are going to end up doing 90% of the work.  Even if you're not nursing, your maternal instincts, or hormones, or whatever, will cause you to push everyone out of the way to get to your baby when he or she cries.  Plus, your husband will probably go to work, and you'll take care of your baby all day long.

While this is wonderful bonding time, it will likely lead you to develop some strong opinions on how your baby should be cared for, and when your husband, or your mom, or anyone else, decides to help by putting YOUR baby down for a nap, or changing her diaper, or giving her a bottle, you will literally want to scream.  And if you're sleep deprived enough, you will.  Because what if they don't put the diaper on right?  What if they don't scrub their hands for exactly 37 seconds before touching anything that could potentially go in your baby's mouth?  Oh my gosh, they're not going to say the prayer you always say before you put your baby to sleep.  They're not going to whisper "time to go night night" and your baby is going to be so confused and will probably be up all night and then WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!?! (hint: nothing different).  (p.s. Scott has informed me that others will have some of the same thoughts in reverse, but MOM is always right . . . right?).

This explains it all.  And yes, new mama, back off the crazy train and just let your husband and/or mom do what he or she will do.  I promise, you will be pleasantly surprised, and you will also enjoy being able to use the bathroom or fix dinner without a baby in your arms.

5.  You need to enjoy every minute:  I know, I tried to stay away from the generally true cliches, but this one can't be said enough.  You have no idea, but you will soon miss this sleep-deprived, no difference between day and night, snuggly, squeaky life.  Take your time, snuggle that baby up, and just enjoy the ride.  I'm definitely still learning every day how much I don't know about this parent thing, but this is one lesson that I'm taking to heart for EVERY stage.